Slack-ass

I only made it two days into a 30-day challenge. That, my friends, is the story of my life. I’m a total slack ass. It was actually a little after 10PM on Day 3 when I realized I missed the boat. I was in bed trying to go to sleep. That’s when I replay my day and think of all the things I did right, wrong, or—as in this case—didn’t do at all. The next day I saw that I was supposed to write about something I have to forgive myself for and I realized that it was a subconscious mental block. We all have skeletons in our closet—things that we are ashamed of—things we wish we could either re-do or totally erase. In a perfect world, we forgive ourselves of these unspoken crimes. I chose not to. I don’t think I will ever forgive myself, but make no mistake: I spend Every—Single—Day—Of my life trying desperately to write those wrongs. I believe that if I do enough good and bring enough light into the world, then maybe…just maybe I can make up for it. But I don’t expect to ever forgive myself. I knew better.

 Day 04 (yesterday) I was supposed to write about “Something you have to forgive someone for.” I spent the day researching and writing an assignment for school. By the end of the day, I had run out of words. I have writing assignments that I have to do for work today, so I figure I better get caught up on this blog before I run out of words again.

I’ve been told many times by many people that I’m a good writer and I believe it to be true. But it doesn’t come easily for me. I might spend an hour or more writing just one paragraph. I will read and re-read an email half a dozen times, tweaking a word here, adding a comma there. I don’t know that I’ve ever really pleased with my writing as much as I just think it is close enough. I usually just get tired and run out of words.

Back to the blog writing assignment—I don’t think I have anything I need to forgive another person for. I don’t have space in my heart, mind, or life for grudges. Aside from that, I think the world’s been pretty good to me.

Day 5 (today) is the day I write about something I hope to do in my life. I mentioned that in my address to day 3: I truly aspire to make the world a better place and I believe I have the ability to do so—we all do. We make the world a better place with random acts of kindness. When I (or you) smile at a stranger on the street, I (you…we) spread kindness. If I see someone wearing a pretty dress, I tell her and she usually lights up. If I’m in the elevator with a man who smells nice, I tell him and he usually stands a little taller. In both instances, these strangers walk away feeling a little more confident. Chances are, they will pass those compliments along to someone else and slowly, but surely, we bring joy to people’s lives and make the world a better place.  We all want to be acknowledged.

So the next time you’re in the elevator with someone who smells good—tell him or her. I dare you.