A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."

Christmas Crazy

My husband and I attempted to begin and complete my daughter’s Christmas shopping in one night—last night. It shouldn’t have been a problem. Most of the things she asked for she isn't going to get...too obnoxious...too babyish...too much money...all the above...blah blah blah. She wants that "Butterscotch" horse (yeah, right...it's like $200 dollars). She also wants that “Squawkers” talking parrot (No way am I gonna spend $60 on something named "squawkers"). As odd as it sounds, she has also been asking for a cake decorating kit. "MOM!! MOM!!! It's the Betty Crocker Cake Decorator. It comes with all the things you see here, and you must be 18-years or older to buy!" I remind you that my daughter is 6.

The one thing that she really really wanted is the Polly Pocket Race to the Mall racetrack. She’s been begging for it since September and even saved up enough money to purchase it herself ($35 worth of 25-cent lemonade). By the time she had enough money, it was December and I wouldn’t let her buy it, “No way—why do you want to spend all your money on something that expensive when you can ask the Big Guy (Santa) to get it for you?!?” So every time she sees a Santa, she asks for Polly Pocket Race to the Mall. (Actually, she asks for “Barbie” Race to the Mall, and it took me 2 months to figure out it’s Polly Pocket, not Barbie. Barbie doesn’t have a race track—she’s so lame.).

Guess what…apparently every six-year-old girl wants Polly Pocket Race to the Mall. Either that, or NO one wanted it and the stores quit carrying it.

Oh, crap.

I have visions of a road trip to Wyoming…then maybe Kansas…quite possibly New Mexico. Whadda ya say, Ruth? You with me?

Getting closer...closer...

Tonight is the night my husband and I shop for the girl (did you read the book, The Road? The main characters are "the boy" and "the man"...it's odd). I'm excited and nervous. My husband is a tortured soul. He hates crowds and this is going to be a living hell. I think he'd rather be poked in the eye than go Christmas shopping. BUT as long as he does his breathing exercises, we'll be fine (I'll take my flask in case of an emergency).

After this little excursion, we're done...except for food. We're having an open house on Christmas Eve and I am looking forward to my menu. So far I've settled on classic martinis, Cosmo martinis, Chambord and champagne cocktails, prosciutto-wrapped Parmesan-pecan dates, bacon-wrapped scallops, hot artichoke spinach dip, and Asian meatballs. Of course, I'll have a meat and cheese tray, veggie tray, crackers, pretzels, chips, salsa, cookies, blah blah blah. I'm still working on it.

You wanna come to my party, don't you? But you can't...I know, I know, I've heard all the excuses, "But I live in Carolina!" "But we do Christmas Eve at the in-laws house." "I'm going to my moms!" Blah blah bah humbug. I'm gonna party anyway.

I don't expect that we'll have as large a crowd as we did last year, but that's cool because I can get much more fancy with my menu if I'm not feeding an army. Can you imagine making 4 dozen bacon wrapped scallops only to have them all eaten within the first 20 minutes of the party?

I have the week of Christmas off of work. My daughter and I are planning all kinds of adventures. I was so excited to take her to the US Mint in Denver only to find out that all the tickets through the end of December were snatched up two weeks ago. We'll find something even more fantastic to do. Some of our best days are pajama days, so it's not like she has high standards.

I may or may not post again before the new year. If I do not, I want to be sure I wish you all a very happy holiday season.

Cheers!
- rachel

Mixed emotions

I went to the doctor on Monday for a meds check. I gained even MORE weight. Holy crap...I'm THIRTY-FIVE pounds overweight. Needless to say, it was like getting punched in the gut. I have to get this under control. I'm chatting with the doctor and telling her that I AM exercising...30 minutes of hard core cardio 3-5 days a week. And I've been doing this for weeks! I would have been okay if she's told me that I didn't loose weight, but still gaining...that's not acceptable. I'm pissed.

Doctor tells me, "Start writing down everything you put in your mouth. You've got hidden calories in there somewhere." I'm heart broken because I'm sure it's the booze. I just did a quick looksie and guess what? A glass of red wine has 170 calories in it. That's more than a can of soda. Do you know how long I have to sweat to burn 170 calories? God help me. I looked up whiskey...it's only FIFTY calories! Hallelujah! God loves me and he wants me to be warm and fuzzy!

I'm not going to do anything about this until after the first of the year. I'm going to keep on with what I'm doing now, I'm just not going to start counting calories and fat and sodium, etc. until the holidays are over. And until then, I'll take comfort in knowing that I can drink my whisky guilt-free.

Christmas meme

Welcome to the Christmas edition of getting to know your friends. Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, Just copy this entire blog and paste into a new blog. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. If you play along leave me a comment and a link to your blog I'd love to see what you have to say!

1. Wrapping Paper or Gift Bags?
wrapping paper
2. Real tree or artificial?
real tree (but Uberstrickenfrau has made me rethink this..who knows what will happen next year).
3. When do you put up the tree?
The first or second weekend in December.
4. When do you take down the tree?
Depends on how dry it is--First weekend in January.
5. Do you like Egg Nog?
Yup--with brandy or bourbon (not rum).
6. Favorite gift received as a child?
I don't know that it was my favorite as much as it is the one I remember the best--it was a mermaid doll bath toy with a sponge lily pad.
7. Do you have a nativity scene?
Yes...two.
8. Hardest person to buy for?
It changes every year. Probably have to say my husband's parents.
9. Easiest person to buy for?
My daughter
10. Weirdest Christmas gift you ever received? (I changed this--it used to say the "worst")
It's a tie between the swimsuit and ONE set of towels (1 bath, 1 hand, and 1 washcloth)
11. Mail or email Christmas Cards?
If you're going to do it, I vote snail mail, but I don't do it, so I don't feel qualified to vote.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
A Wonderful Life.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
January.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Probably, but I can't think of what it was.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Prime Rib.
16. Clear lights or coloured?
Coloured, hands down.
17. Favorite Christmas Song?
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen by Bare Naked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan
18. Travel or stay home at Christmas?
Stay home!! (meaning in town)
19. Can you name all of Santa’s Reindeer?
Yes. Side note: my husband argues that it's Donner, but I say it's Donder (German word for thunder). What do you think?
20. Angel or Star on the top of the tree?
Star
21. Open Christmas Eve or Morning?
Morning
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
The crowds!
23. What’s the corniest family tradition you do or miss doing?
All our family traditions are corny!
24. What’s the worst thing you’ve seen related to Christmas?
Hummm...this one has me stumped.
25. Which looks best, theme trees or homey trees?
Homey trees.
26. Gingerbread or Sugar Cookies?
Gingerbread--gingerbread is more special.
27. Do you like fruitcake?
Oh yeah, baby--see "I've been tagged, number 2)

I've been TAGGED!

Well, I was going to talk about my symptoms of early menopause, but Ruth tagged me. I’ve never been tagged before. The rules (posted below) say I have to share 7 random and/or weird things about me. I am finding it embarrassingly difficult to come up with 7 random and/or weird things. I might need to enlist your help! Or, maybe I can list that as a weird thing—I’m so normal, that I’m weird! Anyway, here I go…

THE RULES:
1. Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird things about yourself.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

7 Weird Things 'bout ME...

1. I hate to have my hands wet…freaks me out! The only thing worse than having my hands wet, is touching someone else’s wet hands. My daughter isn’t allowed to touch me after she gets out of the pool or bath tub until all the wrinkles go away.

2. I really, seriously LOVE fruitcake. (Okay, that’s enough. Take her away!)

3. I love to have my toes pulled and my nails (finger and toe) squeezed.

4. I cry when I’m really happy or excited. My husband and I went on a scenic 45-minute train ride a couple years ago. I got so excited when they blew the whistle that I burst into tears. I cried at the rodeo one year. I’ve been known to cry during SuperBowl highlights. Hell, I even cry when I hear really good songs on the radio.

5. Logic was my favorite college course. I loved logic. It was the only course that I got an ‘A’ in.

6. I love to garden, but rarely eat anything that I grow.

7. I believe using the bathroom is the most inconvenient chore EVER. Because of this, I hold my pee until my eyes water.

OH thank God I’m done! Whew! Now the next part of this getting tagged business requires that I “tag” 7 random people. I don’t know 7 people who blog, so I am REALLY gonna get random. I closed my eyes, spun the globe, and here is who I picked…

Princess Trish, Kati, Sue, Alexandra, Janey, Carol, and last, but not least…Rachel

You're not crazy, ladies. None of you know me. But you can be sure I'm going to be checking in on you periodically to see if you've played the game!

Cheers!

Speaking of Gifts

Happy 31st Birthday to my brother, David. I love ya, big guy!

Gift Quandaries

I do my Christmas shopping year round. I’m flipping through a catalog and I see a token that is the most perfect gift ever for Sam I Am. I HAVE to buy this for Sam I Am, and I do. Rather than give it to Sam I Am right away, I save it for Christmas. Few weeks later I stumble across the cutest token of love that would be the PERFECT gift for Cinderella and Tom Thumb. And, “Oh My! 75% off at Happily Ever After—why for only a few dollars, I can add a little somethin-somethin to those tokens of love!”

Here’s where the quandary comes in…What about Mother Goose and Chicken Little? It’s December and I don’t have anything for Mother Goose OR Chicken Little. I can’t ship gifts to Cinderella, Tom Thumb, and Sam I Am and not send something for Mother Goose and Chicken Little. Now, I’m in a panic because I have to find a gift for Mother Goose and Chicken Little.

It happens to me EVERY year. I find myself unprepared and I end up making a forced purchase. I buy something just so I have something, and that is EXACTLY the way it comes across. I just don’t know anyway around it. Any ideas?

Attack Critters

I have lived in my house for 5 years and for 5 years I have insisted that we have critters living inside the living room/front porch wall. I hear them in there scratching and thumping around. I don't know what they are, but they're fairly large and they can get pretty rowdy when no one else is around.

My husband has never heard the noises and he insists I'm full of shit. He says, "Show me the hole, Rachel. There's no hole!" And when there is snow, he says, "Where are the foot prints? There's no footprints on the roof!"

We have even gone as far as to get the neighbors involved in this. We invite them over for little séances. "SSSHHHH!! Did you hear that?"

Blah blah blah---Rachel is crazy---blah blah blah, ha ha!

So, my husband is up on the roof Saturday hanging our Christmas lights. My daughter and I are on the side of the house hanging a garland. My husband says, "Hey, Rach…You're not crazy." I thank him for the vote of confidence, but insist that he elaborate. He tells me he found the hole. Apparently, it is the size of his fist.

As we contemplate what to do (Him: "Should we seal it?" Me: "If you seal the hole and there are critters in there, they'll die and stink!" Him: " Well, they won't stink forEVER!") As we are chattering, he looks into the hole and a squirrel jumps out, smacks into his forehead and almost literally flies across the room to the back of the house. All I can say now is that we're lucky he didn't fall off the roof. It scared him so bad, he dang near messed in his pants. My daughter and I laughed so hard, we dang near messed in our pants...and we didn't even see it happen (but we did see the red mark it left on his forehead)!

Where's the video camera when you need it?