Please Advise

My daughter has become good friends with a child we’ll call A. A is delightful, well mannered little girl with a vivid imagination. She is well dressed, clean, and healthy little girl. On Sunday, we took this child on a hike with us. Her father sent her over with a hoodie (in case it got cold), a bottle of water, an apple, and a banana all carefully placed in a backpack. A also handed me a piece of paper with her father’s cell phone number, “in case of an emergency.”

Sounds responsible, yes? I certainly thought so. Which is why I was so surprised to hear my daughter’s answer to my question, “Are A’s mother and father home?” My daughter tells me that A “…doesn’t have a mother. Her mother is in jail.”

WTF?!? JAIL??? “What (in my head: in the *$@%*&$@ name of all that is good and holy) is her mother in jail for? My daughter tells me she doesn’t know, “She (A) doesn’t like to talk about it because it makes her sad.”

Wow. My daughter’s friend’s mother is in jail. That makes me uncomfortable.

Fast forward two days. I’m walking my daughter to school this morning and she says, “A is excited because her brother got out of jail yesterday.”

I screamed so loud, only the dogs could hear it: BROTHER????? Then in a normal tone I say to my child, “I didn’t know A had a brother.” My child tells me, “Yup…and he just got out of jail.” Then, before I could regain my senses, she continues, “You know what is weird?” I’m thinking I could write a book on weird right now, but decide to humor her. “What’s weird?” She tells me, “A’s mom is in jail and J’s (I haven’t met “J”, but apparently he is A’s next door neighbor.) dad is in jail.

O-M-G--WHAT KIND OF NEIGHBORHOOD AN I LIVING IN?!?!

Folks—I could go on about this for a really long time, but let’s cut to the chase…Do I have a right to know why A’s mom is in jail? Can I just walk down there and ask Dad, “Why is Mom in jail?” And what about Brother? I’m even more concerned about Brother because he’s OUT!” Is he living with them?

Help me. What do I say? What do I do?

Parenting 101

My daughter has not been feeling well (she has a cold). When she isn't happy, she makes DAMN sure everyone around her is as unhappy as she is. I swear, it was about the longest weekend of my life. She gave me a hard time from the minute she woke up Saturday morning, to the minute she fell asleep Sunday night.

I finally got her into the bath tub at 7:30 Sunday night. This is good news for me because bath time means we are only 3 steps away from bed time. She wasn't even in the tub for 5 minutes before the door bell rings. My daughter hears the door bell and yells from the tub, "WHO IS IT?" I told her, "Veronica and Devon."

My daughter starts to scream and cry, "I WANTED TO PLAY WITH THEM!!" Never mind that she's been playing with them since 11AM. Never mind Devon JUST left our house not 20 minutes earlier. My child starts thrashing and screaming and carrying on. I had to pull her out of the tub because #1, she was flooding my bathroom, #2, she's going to drown, and #3, it was Sunday night and I had had ENOUGH!

I wish I had video taped it. As angry as I was with her, I can't help but see the humor in it (NOW--after the fact). You know how slippery kids are when they're wet, right? My daughter weighs 75 pounds and she did NOT want to get out of the tub ('cause she KNEW she was in trouble). It was like wrestling a 300-pound tuna out of the tub and up two flights of stairs. Consider too that the bathroom floor is wet and I am barefoot. Now just close your eyes and use your imagination.

Uh huh...That little confrontation damn-near killed me.

Lesson learned: Next time, just drain the tub.

6 Random things

Ruth tagged me with the "6 Random Things" meme.

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know your entry is up.

Alright, here we go...

1. I prefer to drink lukewarm water (as opposed to cold). If I'm at a restaurant, I order water without ice. At the water cooler, I top off every refill with a splash of scalding hot water.

2. I've had the same cell phone for two years and I still don't know the number.


3. My sneezes come out like machine gun fire. The most I've ever sneezed in one "fit" is 13, but my average 5-7.


4. I LOVE to mix up my food. I stir my corn into my mashed potatoes, then dip my pork chops into it. I crumble pastries and add them to my cereal. I mix potato salad with baked beans and spoon it onto my hamburgers. I rip up grilled cheese sandwiches and float them in my tomato soup. I even line my peanut butter sandwiches with potato chips. In fact, I had a fajita salad for lunch to day. First thing I did was dump the black beans on top, then added a couple heaping spoonfuls of salsa and a dollop of sour cream. Then I stirred it all up. I LOVE to mix up my food!


5. I don't wear antiperspirant. I think there is too much unknown about what that stuff does to a person. And besides, it's just not natural to stop your body from sweating. However, for the sake of those around me (including myself!), I DO wear deodorant.


6. I can't stand to have my hands wet. I HATE to have my hands wet. I can't stay in the swimming pool for more than 15 minutes before I start to panic.

Now, the rules say that I'm supposed to "tag" six people, but I'm going to skip that part. However, if you choose to play along, let me know.

Ouch!

My daughter fell out of bed Wednesday night. She sleeps in a regular twin bed, so it wasn't that bad of a fall...not like falling out of the top bunk of a triple bunk bed (and I would know). Thursday morning, we told her what happened and she had no recollection of it at all. But we had proof... OUCH!! That had to hurt. How can she not remember it?

It started raining about 7:30 last night and it hasn't stopped. It's the really nice, soft rain that makes you want to stay up all night and listen. Today is very gray and wet. It's the kind of day that makes me want to stay in bed with a book. I just (last night) finished Seven Days to the Sea: An Epic Novel of the Exodus by Rebecca Kohn. I don't think I liked it. Ms. Kohn made Yehveh (God) a very angry and unforgiving God. Moses was not "blessed", but rather punished by being chosen, almost to the point where one might consider it torture. It is unfortunate that she made Him so aweful, but the real story was about the relationship between Moses' sister (Miryam) and his wife (Tzipporah). That aspect of the story was really very lovely.

Up next, Mirror Mirror by Gregory Maguire. I've read several of Gregory Maguire's books: Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister is the story of Cinderella as told by one of the wicked stepsisters and Wicked is the story of the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz. (I also read Son of a Witch, but that one just confused me.) Mirror Mirror is, of course, the story of Snow White. I'm excited to get started on the book. Gregory Maguire is, in my opinion, a brilliant author.

I'm one of THEM!

OMG--I did it. Last night, at 11:32 PM, I crossed the line. I became one of "THEM"...one of "those moms". The kind of mom that stirs the pot...throws fuel on the fire. The kind of mom whose name makes teachers and principals moan and twitch. And I didn't even know what I was doing until I was done.

I emailed the principal of my daughter's elementary school at 11:32 PM to demand an investigation of another mother's actions. (I can't believe I'm saying this out loud.) It gets worse...I emailed the mother of whom I am demanding an investigation at 6:28AM and asked that she explain her actions. Then I forwarded her reply to the principal. At 9:50AM, the principal called me at work and said, "I am in receipt of all three of your emails."

I'm a trouble maker...a snitch...a whistle blower...I'm a--a--a--a tattle tale.

Here's what happened. The PTO meeting ends and four of us moms pull to the side and are scrambling to finalize some last minute details regarding the Fall Festival before one mom leaves town. The offender is standing at the edge of our circle saying, "Call me before you buy candy. I have gift cards. Make sure you call me first. You can use my gift cards. I have gift cards that you can use to buy the candy. Make sure you call me. Promise you'll call me." After several minutes of this, we recognized that the offender is not falling for the "ignore her and she'll go away" tactic, so I turn to her and say, "What gift cards? What are you talking about?"

Offender: "I have gift cards at Wal-Mart that you can use to buy candy and stuff."
Me: "Where did you get the gift card?"
Offender: "I asked for it. I go to stores and give them a letter asking for donations and they give me gift cards. It's what I do, Rachel. I raise money."

I turned away and continued to ignore her. The woman would not leave us alone. In fact, she walking out with us.

I was so fired up after I got home that I couldn't sleep. The more I thought about it, the more it bothered me. Under whose authority was this woman soliciting funds? Who is keeping tabs on her? How much money has she collected on "behalf of" the school? And what is she spending the money on? Does the principal of the school even know what she's doing? So I fire off an email to the principal and ask, in short, "WTF?"

At 6:30 this morning, I'm just as upset as I was last night, so I fire off another email, this time I send the email to the offender and cc the principal. I ask the offender, on whose behalf is she collecting the money (school or school organization)? I ask for a copy of the letter used, for a list of organizations from whom offender has solicited funds, a list of who has donated, how much was donated, for what purpose were the funds solicited, and what has been purchased with the funds? I tell her that what I want to see is a checks and balance system. I want to know that someone (besides the offender) is monitoring those efforts. Then I say, "I'm concerned that there are are ethical and legal ramifications to what you are doing." Ka-POW-yow!

Okay, in all fairness, I really don't think this lady would do anything unethical with the money she collects on behalf of the school. But at this point, I'm not sure that she could prove that she hasn't. And I just can't believe that no one is monitoring her! You can't just go willy-nilly around town asking for donations to an organization without that organization's blessing. The school is responsible for every penny this woman collects and NO ONE IS WATCHING HER!!

...at least not until now. Like I said at the top, I threw fuel on the fire. I was told by the principal that he had a meeting with Ms. Offender in his office in 10 minutes. He is going to "reign her in" and get a full account of all activities up to this point, and will monitor her moving forward.

Yes, my friends, we can chalk this up as another victory for Team Justice. My work here is done.



You know what the ugliest part about it all is? By retelling this story, I've become one of the gossip moms, too. Every time I tell the story, I contribute to the "drama" of PTO. I further strengthen the perception that PTO is a bunch of gossipy, catty, moms. THAT's the part that makes me the most uncomfortable. The entire time I type this up, I have this mental image of a glass house haunting me. I think this little episode will force me to take a closer look at myself, at what I say and how I behave.